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When I was in high school we had a student body of just over 900 students. (It would have been a lot higher, but back then freshman were in Jr. High with 7th and 8th graders - only three grades, sophomore through seniors in high school.) In the three years I walked those halls there was only one (openly) pregnant student - and she was married.
But nowadays, things are different. 1 in 7 girls in a Chicago school are either pregnant or already have children.
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*sigh*
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Who do I feel sorry for? Not these girls - I believe the majority of them purposely chose the path they're on. I feel sorry for the grandparents. These pregnant girls have not considered the impact on their parents. The grandparents have been through HELL raising these daughters, and before they're even grown they've brought a brand new child into the house for the grandparents to raise. I know from personal experience that's the way it is.
Our partner and friend Schteveo knows what I'm talking about. I've not advertised it here, but it appears, in my mid-50's, I'm heading down the path to be my grandson's father-figure and chief supporter: He will be 2 in about 3 weeks. His father is a deadbeat who if ever shows up at my door will be turned away (or worse).
While I celebrate my grandson's life and love him like a son - I've been through child rearing - and yes, part of me resents having to do it again. It's the hardest job in the world, and the most rewarding job in the world. My hair turned white during the time my daughter was 14 to 20. By the time I get my grandson out the door, I expect it all to fall out.
*sigh*
On the upside, it's just a few more years and I get to teach him to hunt, fish, cuss, and drink beer. Ah... the silver lining.
Cheers.
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8 comments:
The name of the school, Paul Robeson (who was a known communist) High School, should give you a clue as to it's racial makeup. Once you understand that, this story is no longer the outrage it first appeared to be. In fact, it's very common.
Generally speaking, most young black men spend all their time looking for two things, money, and young females. (in that order) And in most cases, those young females (who are equally to blame) will end up the same way, alone, pregnant, (or with several kids) beat-up and/or dead. Most young black guys have no concept of things like condoms or responsibility. They couldn't care less because the tax payers will raise their offspring. One of the most often-heard phrases from females in the ghetto is, "das my baby daddy in da back a dat police car". Funny, but you don't hear president Odumbo ever talking about that.
As to Jimbo's situation. Personally, i would relish the opportunity to raise my 15 year old grandson, and my 9 year old granddaughter as well. My son-in-law is one of those "house-husbands", because if he had 11jobs he couldn't earn what my daughter does. But, she has to drive 900 miles a week to work in Delaware, which doesn't leave much family time. That was the solution "they" decided on. Are they being raised right? Yes, but IMO, not as right as i would like. But as you grandparents may know, there's oly so much you can say without getting into "trouble".
I want a job as a stay at home day, but my wife would beat me if I even suggest it.
Jimbo,
hang in there dude, it'll be worth it to the grandson. I've learned tons from spending as much time as I have with two of mine.
Patience isn't always one of them though.
But your story, and my situation both lead me to ask a question. Did you realize that what we do with these kids, is ONLY one generation removed from EVERY family doing it as the norm?
My father and probably yours too or other family members, lived in a family household that contained extended family. My dad grew up with an Aunt and a cousin who lived in my grandparents house. The husband was ??? My mother lived with her mother, my grandfather died when she was baby. But they lived with one of my Grandmothers sisters. Both their husbands were dead, not unusual then, so they needed combined incomes to make it. There were very few families, in fact almost none in the middle classes or lower, who lived with just mom, dad, the kids and the dog.
Until after WWII that is.
It was my parents generation who ASS U MEd that they would always live in their own home, the kids would all move out and the grandkids would live elsewhere and Pop and Grandma would just visit. But now, many of us are having to revert to the old ways. The ways of extended family from the times bear skins and caves to Hiroshima.
Personally, I'm glad for it.
Spider,
Bill Cosby said it best. The AA communities have imploded. They are their own worst enemy.
Dead beat parents aren't new, they come in all colors, sizes and shapes. But percentage wise, Cosby hit a homer when he called it on his own race.
BOW,
she's just being selfish!
The trick for stay-at-home husbands is to do like I do, make her breakfast and supper, vacuum the L/R once in a while, keep the coffee pot set up for mornings, make sure there's always plenty of her favorite munchies in the cupboard..
She'll see that it's a plum deal for her.
Schteveo -
Are you telling me I don't have a Constitutional civil-human right to be child-free after the age of 50?
Well, double damn.
Can't we add a 117th Amendment or something?
When i was growing up, families always had a "hub", someone who kept all the spokes (family members) together. In my case, it was my grandmother, my moms mom. Holidays were always at her house, with her 9 children and all their kids. Needliess to say, it was a big bunch. When she passed, (in 1978) those "spokes" started to come loose. My mom, being the oldest of the 9, tried to keep them together, but apparently couldn't stop the process because times, people, and their circumstances were changing, and as usual, they never seem to change for the better.
Maybe it's that some of us "old timers" just miss those close-family days. True, we didn't have nearly as much stuff as "we seem to have" today, but we had all that we needed to be relatively happy. Or, was it simply because we didn't know any better. Hmmm...
Progress is truly a wonderous thing in many ways and on many different levels. But IMO, it does have a costly down side.
Spider, my family was the same as yours. Down to THE grandma that held everyone together.
I was also basically raised by her as well. Not that my folks didn't, but she was also a large part of my rearing.
I would not turn away an extended family life. I've yet to see how a smaller unit benefits.
It isn't fucking fair, that's all I have to say.
I'm 29 and childless, and the more years we go as such the more it is becoming a concrete fact that one of us, either my lovely wife or myself, is just physically incapable of making a baby.
Which sucks because I want to be a Dad more than anything right now.
And considering all of the people that don't want to be parents that are, and then are doing a shitty job of it because they never wanted to BE... well, it just disheartens the shit out of both of us. We'd be good parents. Our kids would have the tools to be the ebst and brightest of the lot of them, yet we can't seem to be blessed with a child, when all of these mouth-breather jagoffs are being "burdened" with one.
I'm sure God has a plan, but I haven't figured it out yet.
Goob,
I'm not prodding, but go get checked. It's easy as hell for us stand up types. If the your swimmers don't, can't or are few in numbers, they can centrifuge them or some such thing and assist you and the better half. If it's not you, it's tougher.
But you go do it first. I'd offer to hold your hand for getting checked, but...EWWWW, I ain't into that sorta thing with guys.
But there ARE thousands of adoptable children who'd love a good home.
It's not your blood in their veins that makes 'em your kids either, it's raising them and spending sleepless nights over them that does that. One of my son's is currently raising two, that aren't his. He, I, nor Mrs. Schteveo feel any different toward them than the three from his brother that are blood. Again, that sleepless night and raising them thing.
In fact, it's the older non-blood g'son I'm homeschooling, and we're closer than ever. (if I don't kill the frustrating little, uh...you get the idea)
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