Some Phun for a Phriday

Rambling, yet thought provoking, mental hijinks.

I'm not saying, let's go kill all the stupid people.  

I'm simply saying, let's remove all the warning labels and let the problem work itself out Darwinian style.

I changed my car horn to gun shot sounds.  

People REALLY move out of the way much faster now.
 

You can't always tell a lot about a woman's mood, just by her hands.  

But, if she is holding a gun, she's probably angry.
 

Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers.  

Now they drink like their fathers.
 

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone?  

That's common sense leaving your body.
 

I don't like making plans for the day.

Invariably, the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in  courtrooms.

I didn't make it to the gym again today.  

That makes thirty-five years in a row!

Then again, I decide to stop calling the bathroom the 'john', now I call it the 'jim'.

I feel so much better about myself, saying I went to the 'jim' first thing this morning.

I don't understand paranoid people who check under their beds or behind their shower curtains for muggers, murderers or terrorists.

If they find one, what's their plan exactly?