Think about it:
As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind - every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder... – John Glenn
America is the only country where a significant
proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is
real but the moon landing was faked... – David Letterman
I'm not a paranoid, deranged millionaire, God dammit, I'm a billionaire.
– Howard Hughes
After the game, the King and the Pawn go into the same box... – Italian proverb
Men are like linoleum floors. Lay 'em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years.
– Betsy Salkkind
The only reason they say 'Women and children first' is to test the strength of the lifeboats.
– Jean Kerr
I've been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage.
– Zsa Zsa Gabor
You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.
– Jeff Foxworthy
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
– Prince Philip
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
– Emo Philips
Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself... – Harrison Ford
The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree... – Spike Milligan
Lawyers believe a man is innocent until proven broke... – Robin Hall
Kill one man and you're a murderer, kill a million and you're a conqueror.
– Jean Rostand
Having more money doesn't make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but I'm just as happy as when I had 48 million... – Arnold Schwarzenegger
We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea.
– W.H. Auden
In hotel rooms I worry. I can't be the only guy who sits on the furniture naked.
– Jonathan Katz
If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.
– Johnny Carson
I don't believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we're very skeptical.
– Arthur C Clarke
Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap... – Steve Martin