Sunday, December 29, 2013

Friday Funnies, On Sunday


A Blond's Year in Review

January
Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February
Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels ... Helllloooo!! ... bottles won't fit in printer!!

March
Got really excited ... finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months ... box said '2-4 years!'

April
Trapped on escalator for hours ... power went out!

May
Tried to make Kool-Aid ... wrong instructions ... 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!

June
Tried to go waterskiing ... couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July
Lost breast stroke swimming competition ... learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!

August
Got locked out of her car in rain storm ... car swamped because soft-top was open.

September
The capital of California is 'C' ... isn't it?

October
Hate M & M's ... they are so hard to peel.

November
Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days ... instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!

December
Couldn't call 911 . 'duh' ... there's no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone!


A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.  She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house.

A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, 'Is something wrong?'

To which she replied, 'There certainly is!'
'My stupid computer keeps saying... YOU'VE GOT MAIL!'

27 comments:

Jus Sayin said...

74 today in Az

chronos the wonder pig said...

only 73 South of Disney Land......

Old (cold) Arachnid said...

It's 24 (windchill 13) here in the Peoples Republic of NYC today, but the sun is out.

Cowpill said...

Cloudy,just above freezing and at work.

Schteveo said...

Good Friday Funny!

Overcast, 53 is the High thus far, trying to rain. Personally, I'd like some of that 24 degree stuff, to kill all the fire ants in my yard / garden / fruit tree areas.

alan said...

clear and 53 in the high desert. Not going to work till 16 Jan, unless some school teachers don't show up....then I get to sub.

Cowpill said...

Remember: Hard work pays off after time, procrastination pays off immediately!

Schteveo said...

Cowpill,
I may get that tattooed on my forehead, in reverse, so I can see it first thing every morning.

No Shit Man said...

Had to ids the A/C in the car today. Jus Sayin

Roger Water Poot said...

One day older
and
another day closer to death

Snorpht Floyd said...

Happy New

eatme said...

year

Spider said...

I wish you all have a very happy, healthy, safe, and prosperous New Year.

Munky Butt said...

and death to all Marxist Muslims.

chronos the wonder pig said...

hope all y'all got properly signed up for Urkel Care......

Dr Poots said...

No, but I just ordered 1000 rnds of 45 ammo. Does that count?

Pooter Shooter and Baby Gurl said...

Great big fury pooh balls. Dis ish getting derickulous. It's 74 and not a cloud again. Of course I'm sitting outside with a Bud and cleaning my guns.. and the kids Walther we shot on Monday.

Poot Wad Lapper Fuk said...

Jus sayin........ EAT ME !

EAT Me said...

Thank God,a change in the weather. Going to be 76 today.

SHit inda Mouth said...

Time to Screw the Bitches....


Uhh, I mean Do the Dishes

Poots O Boeing said...

Boeing Union chicks out.

Those overpaid Liberal Lap Dogz.

Piss on Washington State. Should have gone to Williams Gateway in AZ.

Punthies

Jus Sayin said...

What the Fuck Munky Boyz..... Is there anybody in here?

Turd Winkle said...

Is I be Da only wun left alive?

chronos the wonder pig said...

naw I was down at the beach watching the tourist women in bikinis....

chronos the wonder pig said...

everybody else be popsicles by now

Frozen Globes said...

Do popcycles get that cold?

Potsterino said...

Shtevarino, you ok?

Like Jack. KahunaLaguna used to say. JUST KEEP BREATHING.