Monday, October 15, 2012

Rules For Kicking Ass

Some Rules for kickin' Ass: (Rules for the Non-Military)

Dear Civilians, 'We know that the current state of affairs in our great nation has many civilians up in arms and excited to join the military. For those of you who can't join, you can still lend a hand. Here are a few of the areas where we would like your assistance:

1. The next time you see any adults talking (or wearing a hat) during the playing of the National Anthem- kick their ass
2. When you witness, firsthand, someone burning the American Flag in protest - kick their ass.

3. Regardless of the rank they held while they served, pay the highest amount of respect to all veterans. If you see anyone doing otherwise, quietly pull them aside and explain how these veterans fought for the very freedom they bask in every second. Enlighten them on the many sacrifices these veterans made to make this Nation great. Then hold them down while a disabled veteran kicks their ass.

4. If you were never in the military, DO NOT pretend that you were. Wearing battle dress uniforms (BDUs) or Jungle Fatigues, telling others that you used to be 'Special Forces'. Collecting GI Joe memorabilia, might have been okay when you were seven years old, now, it will only make you look stupid and get your ass kicked.

5. Next time you come across an *Air Force* member, do not ask them, 'Do you fly a jet?' Not everyone in the Air Force is a pilot. Such ignorance deserves an ass-kicking (children are exempt).

6. If you witness someone calling the Coast Guard 'non-military', inform them of their mistake - and kick their ass.

7. Next time Old Glory (the US flag) prances by during a parade, get on your damn feet and pay homage to her by placing your hand over your heart. Quietly thank the military member or veteran lucky enough to be carrying her - of course, failure to do either of those could earn you a severe ass-kicking.

8. 'Your mama wears combat boots' never made sense to me - stop saying it! If she did, she would most likely be a vet and therefore would kick your ass!

9. 'Flyboy' (Air Force), 'Jarhead' (Marines), 'Grunt' (Army), 'Squid' (Navy), 'Puddle Jumpers'(Coast Guard), etc., are terms of endearment we use describing each other. Unless you are a service member or vet, you have not earned the right to use them. Using them could get your ass kicked.

10. Last, but not least, whether or not you become a member of the military, support our troops and their families. Every Thanksgiving and religious holiday that you enjoy with family and friends, please remember that there are literally thousands of soldiers, sailors, marines and airmen far from home wishing they could be with their families. Thank God for our military and the sacrifices they make every day. Without them, our country would get its ass kicked.

11. It's the Veteran, not the reporter, who has given us the freedom of the press. It's the Veteran, not the poet, who has given us the freedom of speech. It's the Veteran, not the community organizer, who gives us the freedom to demonstrate. It's the Military who salutes the flag, who serves beneath the flag, and whose coffin is draped by the flag, who allows the protester to burn the flag.

12. If you ever see anyone singing the national anthem in Spanish – KICK THEIR ASS.


BOW said...


AssKicker esq. said...


If you want to kick them in the ass, first kick them in the balls.

When they bend over in pain, go round to their back side and THEN kich them in the ass.

Dr. AssKapper said...


Ya'll Punthys an GaBoiz.



Don't fergitit

Schteveo said...

...on that last one, does 'Spanish' include Cuban? I know a couple of Cuban families in S. Florida who are rabid America lovers, but Abuelo and Abeula never learned English. They worked, lived and are now retired in Little Havana.

Anonymous said...

Well you can take the Munky out of the cage but you can't take the cage outta the Munky.

O did I say Munky?

Meant Kenyian Koon.

Did I say Cage?

Meant White House

El Turdo said...

Nooo Cubans spreek 'Cubicle'

Schteveo said...


Zorro Toro said...

And spanish speak spaniel.

Obama Bag said...

And Douche Bags speak vinegar.

BaBoon Michelle said...

whats the differance between a zoo and the white house?

a zoo has an african lion and the white house has a lyin african.

Ana Munky BUtt Ho

Schteveo said...

...but did you see that Michelle says, today on a campaign stop, that Barack doesn't blame GWB for the economy? He just got to work on this great recovery!

What's that t-shirt all the bruthas are wearing right now? Oh yeah,

"...Bitches be Trippin'!"

Beetch Trippa said...

Insanity can't account for it by itself, and it can't just be stupidity.

Maybe wut we gotz hea id peepulz dat beez INSANELY STUPID.