Friday, December 10, 2010

Simple Solutions

The Seniors;
Let's put seniors in jail and the criminals in nursing homes. This would correct two things in one motion:

Seniors would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.
They would receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs, etc.
They would receive money instead of having to pay it out.
They would have constant video monitoring, so they would be helped instantly if they fell or needed assistance.
Bedding would be washed twice a week and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.
A guard would check on them every 20 minutes.
All meals and snacks would be brought to them
They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.
They would have access to a library, weight/fitness room, spiritual counseling, a pool and education...and free admission to in-house concerts by nationally recognized entertainment artists.
Simple clothing - ie., shoes, slippers, pj's - and legal aid would be free, upon request.
There would be private, secure rooms provided for all with an outdoor exercise yard complete with gardens.
Each senior would have a P.C., T.V., phone and radio in their room at no cost.
They would receive daily phone calls.
There would be a board of directors to hear any complaints and the ACLU would fight for their rights and protection.
The guards would have a code of conduct to be strictly adhered to, with attorneys available, at no charge to protect the seniors and their families from abuse or neglect.

The Criminals:
They would receive cold food.
They would be left alone and unsupervised.
They would receive showers once a week. They would live in tiny rooms, for which they would have to pay $5,000 per month.
They would have no hope of ever getting out.


BOW said...

I miss Friday Funnies, and happy hour, but this will just have to do....for now.

Spider said...

Oh, excuse me! ;)

BOW said...

You're excused...........If you get the first round

Schteveo said...

Brilliant Spider, just fucking brilliant!!

(Bill, it's getting harder to find anything funny regardless of the day of the week!)

Schteveo said...

(well, here we are again...three old farts shootin' the breeze...sans beer, which sucks)

C-Bug said...

Sounds good to me (and I'm not talking about the "three old farts" comment)!

Spider said...

See, Lady Bug's still here. Who was it that said she ran off with some young stud? Glad to see ya Lady Bug. ;)

srk said...

It's the lull between the erection and the holidays. As soon as the lame dick session is over, and my hangover as well, the activity will slowly rise in a crescendo to the 2012 olympics and oh, yeah, the thrilla in vanilla

BOW said...

Isn't life strange?
I never met one Veteran who enlisted to fight for Socialism

Name Witheld for Obvious Reasons said...

I'll go you one better than that srk.

The current military personnel are very concerned about the possibility of the death of the Posse Comitatus Act. Or more precisely, the killing of said act via Presidential Edict because of a national emergency.

The military guys are concerned about being ordered into the streets of Hometown, USA, to 'pacify' their broke, foreclosed and near homeless, bankrupt, hungry parents & siblings & friends & neighbors.

The question begs, if that order comes, will they 'pacify' MY house & YOUR house or would they 'pacify' the White House!?

It is a scary, scary scenario in my mind.

Spider said...

It's that same old question that pops up here from time to time. Would they turn on their fellow citizens or wouldn't they. Also, about two weeks ago, Glen Beck claimed he "knew" that certain military units were being trained for "civil disorder and crowd control" here in the US. This is something i believe to be true.

One would think that with the voracious MSM we have, which believes there's no shred of info too small, too irrelevant, or too private to publish, including national secrets, that they would have uncovered this and made it public. If Beck's claim is true, that would mean the MSM is part of a cover-up to protect the Marxist-in-Chief.

As for what our troops (and don't forget law enforcement) would do in that case, IMO, some would follow their orders from the WH, and some wouldn't. The question is, how many would follow those orders, and how far would they go.

Alimentry Poots said...

We could give all the prisoners a colostomy just for the smell fator

He He

Anonymous said...

With matching shoes?

Jimbo said...

Just for BOW:
It was entertainment night at the Senior Center and they hired a hypnotist.

Claude the hypnotist exclaimed:
"I'm here to put you into a trance; I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations!"

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting;

"Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch. . .."

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs eyes followed the
swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.

"SHIT!" said the Hypnotist.

It took three days to clean up the Senior Center.