Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Friday Funnies On Tuesday

I went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the middle of the night next to some chick who was snoring and farting. Whew... I knew I made it home OK!

My wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part

After both suffering from depression for a while, my wife and I were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, "Fuck it, I'm good", and opened a beer…

I woke up this morning at 8, and could felt something was wrong. I got downstairs and found my wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered, McDonald's serves breakfast until 10:30...

I bought my wife a hamster skin coat last week. Took her to the carnival last night, and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel...

The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"

My wife packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!" "Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"

A Catholic boy in confession says, "Bless me Father, I have sinned, I masturbated while thinking about my sister." "That's a disgrace," said the priest, "especially when you have two gorgeous brothers."

From the wild minds at PIG...

5 comments:

S. said...

How's a hillbilly know when his sister's on the rag?

FingerPoot said...

Tastes blood on his fathers dick.

Schteveo said...

Great jokes.

Poots, that's SO wrong.

Hillbilly Boy said...

Datchu Jethro?

SFP said...

But it's my only joke.