Friday, May 4, 2012

More Friday Funnies

A retired lawyer and his wife of 30 years are playing golf after a Marriage Counseling Session.
On the third hole, he tees off down the right side, she goes down the left and they meet on the green.  He walks over and tells her, "...I've got something to confess.  Once, just once shortly after we got married, I had a one night stand when I was on a business trip, it was one of the female lawyers from the other office and I swear to you it had more to do with drinking than wanting that woman, PLEASE forgive me...".

His wife listens to him, her hands strangling her putter, then she relaxes, walks over and hugs him and tells him, "...I knew that happened then...I could smell perfume on your clothes when I emptied your suit case, but I loved you and so I didn't say anything...I hadn't thought about that in years because I never suspected that it happened again."

They hug each other and walk to the next tee.  This time he shanks one way off in the weeds and she goes down the center of the fairway.  They play on to the tee, he gets a bogie, she's in at par.  She walks over, takes his hand and says, "...I have a secret too.  I was married before I met you.."

"WHAT!!!  You were married, but I thought you were a virgin, you wouldn't let me touch you until our wedding night!!!".

"Well", she says, "'s easy to explain, I was a Man when I was married and when we first met, I had just gone through surgery to become a woman,  but I do love you!!  Please understand, THIS is who I was, always...".

He breaks the club in his hands, stalks off the course, walks straight to the car and leaves her standing in the parking lot in tears.  By the time she gets a ride home, his clothes and car are gone.  Several days later she's served with separation papers and she can't find him until the day of their Divorce Hearing.

He sits there, won't look a her and his lawyer does all the talking.  Just before the judge renders his decision, the wife jumps up and says, "..are you just going to SIT there?  Are you going to walk away from me, our 3 adopted children and our grandchildren, all over one stupid lie!?"

Having ha enough, he jumps to his feet and yells, "...ONE LIE?  Just one LIE!!!  Your honor, this isn't A lie, it's years of lies!!  HAAA!!!!".

"SIR, you've git to calm down," the judge says.

"..calm DOWN, WHY?  I guess I'm supposed to just look the other way at this?"

"No Sir, but I am expecting you to be civil in my court.  And, I'm not expecting you to over look it, but in our day and age, it was bound to happen that someone would fall in love like this after sex reassignment surgery, I can understand that you feel like she's made you look like a fool, right?"

"Sex reassignment surgery?  Who said I was mad about that?  I don't give a crap about THAT.  I'm pissed off that for over 30 years, we played golf, twice a week, for dinner and drinks and that cheating that cheating WARLOCK hit from the lady's tee box!!"


Cowpill said...

OK THAT is funny!

Schteveo said...

Especially to golfers.

Desert Kapper said...

Free Cat?

Shit.... If Obama gets re-elected we'll be calling it Free Lunch