And your next president is...

Barack Obama!!! The prize package includes 3 seats on the lifetime tenured Supreme Court, and the ability to blame George W. Bush for everything that goes wrong in the next 4 years!

If I were to be elected president, I would want it to be now. You could shit your pants at a press conference and blame in on Bush, and the media and constituency would just eat it up, baby!

My advice to President Elect Obama (because I know he reads this blog and listens to what I have to say);

1.) Listen to your own campaign rhetoric. Realize that damn near 50% of the people whom you are serving did not want you as president and do not want what you are offering. You promised not to be a divider, to reach across the isle and bring us together. Time to match your actions to your words.

2.) Stop being so self-centered. It is not about you anymore. When things get tough, I don't want to hear you whining about how everyone is picking on you. You chose this path, now buckle down and do the best for America that you can, and for once, forget about yourself and your own ambitions.

3.) Stop punishing dissent. There have been a couple of times in your campaign that I worry about your tendency to quash any dissent and excommunicate anyone that does not tout your party line. This is not a sign of a person that would be a uniting presence, as you have promised us.

4.) Think about AMERICA'S best interest when appointing new SCOTUS justices, not your own agenda. Judges interpret law, not make new law. Remember that.

5.) Don't mess with our rights, or you won't like it. That includes 2nd amendment rights. That means no 500% tax on ammunition, no "assault" weapons ban, and no restrictions on handguns.

6.) Take it easy at first. You don't need to get your security force, socialize healthcare, and even up the wealth in the country all at once. For our sake and yours, lets have a discussion about it before you do anything rash.

I hope you'll listen to what I've written, but am sure you will not. You believe that you have won a mandate, as do your toadies in the senate and house. You haven't. You've won for one reason and one reason only: The Republicans were worse than you were. That means you are the lesser of two evils, President Elect Obama, not a new hope or direction.

And finally, I am sorry that your grandmother, who put so much of herself into you and was repaid by being branded a rascist and thrown under the bus to feed your own ambition, did not live to see this day. I hope that you reconiled what you've said and done to her before she died, and you have my deepest condolences that your day of victory had to be marred by your Grandmother's death (as I am sure that is how you look at the situation, self cetered as you are.)

Goober, the Presidential Advisor.